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How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. 
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. 
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." 
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." 
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. 
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. 
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.

LOVE - When you share everything you own. 
LUST - When you steal everything they own. 
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. 
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. 
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. 
LUST - When all you write is your phone number. 
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. 
LUST - When you couldn't give a shit. 
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - When your heart flutters everytime you see them. 
LUST - When your groin twitches everytime you see them. 
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. 
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. 
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. 
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner. 
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.